It is my esteemed pleasure to report that the Little Corn Island Golf Beach & Country Club (LCIGBCC) had its grand opening yesterday and it was a smashing success, 3 were in attendance. For what could very well be the first time in the history of Little Corn Island, a group of somewhat distinguished gentleman played a most dignified and delightful round of golf on a memorable Monday morning…
The founding members and lifetime “board of directors” include a novice golfer but established gentleman from Australia, a Titleist Teaching Pro from California and none other than yours truly. There was minimal debate over dress code, membership requirements and staffing. Upon approval of your application you’ll be outfitted with one ball and one tee, no more. Your membership is directly correlated to the possession of said ball and transfers are permissible if unanimously approved by the membership committee.
Admission is free but you’ll need an invite and the imagination of a 7 year old. Basically you show up, close your eyes for 5 seconds and if it worked, when you open them a butler dressed in traditional 1930’s attire with an LCIGBCC tie (optional) will welcome you with cool towelettes and a dry joke. If you don’t see him it means you have no imagination or simply were not invited, can be nothing else. Either way, you’ll see a dilapidated Caribbean baseball diamond surrounded by jungle when you open your eyes. To get to the beach just follow any trail, seriously.
Etiquette wise we’re quite open minded except losing a ball is considered to be extremely low class / grounds for removal of membership and frowned upon as a “gross waste of time”. When it comes to dress code you must have footwear that won’t make respectable people uncomfortable (think crocs) and will allow you to assist in the search for a lost ball in the rough. By rough, referring to old growth rain forest where you’re just as likely to find your ball as your maker. We eagerly await the application of our first female member and beach attire is encouraged.
While sitting at the halfway house after 9 holes, a random spectator appeared out of the woods sweating with a bag firmly grasped in his left hand. We informed the gent of the festivities taking place and he offered us mangos to commemorate such an egregious day in the history of the mankind. Since then myself and the Australian gent have completed 2 more rounds and had a few spectators watch in the gallery and there has been one cheer, we believe.
Would like to invite ALL OF YOU to come play a round at the LCIGBCC and enjoy in the splendor that is golf and white sand beaches. We’re currently planning our first formal black tie (optional) dinner which will serve a starter of yellow tail, followed by lobster thermidor served on a bed of shrimp on top a barracuda steak. Flor de Cana our first unofficial sponsor will be generously distributed for the duration.
A friendly local chap who helped us locate a stray ball was offered membership but politely declined.
P.S: The best things in life are free and a little imagination goes a long way…
P.P.S: Infield can be a nasty water hazard on a long(ish) par 3 when behind home base is the green.